Recently I came across a job advertisement that seemed almost perfect for me, given my qualifications, skill level and more importantly my schedule. But there was one catch. I am giving an excerpt of the ad and my reasoning for applying for this job, so that you will be in sync with what I am talking about.

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Our company is looking for people experienced in writing essays. Essential qualifications include: 1) must be University educated with at least an M.A. and/or a professional degree, ie. LL.B., B.Ed, etc; 2) must be able to adhere to strict deadlines; 3) must have extensive research/writing experience; 4) sense of humour, this is non-negotiable and we can tell if you’re funny or not. Please send us your C.V. and cover letter in confidence and we will contact you if you meet our criteria for an interview. This is not a scam and we are looking for some hard working individuals to join our team.

Here is my logic:

  • As many of you (readers) might have noticed by now that I have been blogging for nearly two years and I thought writing essays is just a product extension that would help put some extra cash in my wallet.
  • As for doing research on the Internet, I thought I can always copy and paste from whichever site that comes on top in my Google search given the keywords of the topic.
  • As for qualifications, tell me who is an exact match to an employer’s expectations. There is always a more or less of the requirements. So it didn’t bother me much.
  • As for work timing, the ad said I can telecommute. That was perfect for me and got me hooked in the first place.
  • But here is the catch: I have to be humorous and it’s non-negotiable. They will find out if I am funny or not.

I know my resume is a drab and they may probably look at it, laugh and promptly direct it to the recycle bin.

So I decided it has to be the cover letter that should do the trick. So I typed the following cover letter and sent my resume as an attachment. Please tell me what you think of it.

Dear Sir / Madam,

Ref: Your requirement of Essay Writers.

I thought it wouldn’t hurt to have some extra cash in my wallet. So I looked around to do something I love, and make it pay. I came across your ad for Essay Writers. I have a degree in Engineering and I love writing.

You may think, “What! We are looking for someone with a degree in arts and / or a professional degree in a related line say, law. But this guy with engineering, hum….” You shake your head and say to yourself, “What has this world come to. It must be the recession.”

While it is true that my family members are in the habit of eating, and someone has to put food on the table. But that’s not why I applied for this job. As I said earlier, I am looking to do something I love.

OK, I probably have answered your question, “Will he do the job?”

“Yes, motivation is there. After all this guy is hungry.” you say to yourself.

Now for your second question, “Can he do the job?”

Now there is a lingering doubt, “Those engineers with their rigid mind set, can they be humorous?”

When I say, I am an engineer. I may remind you of the Germans who lack a sense of humor.

Remember while the Germans may lack a sense of humor and the British are blessed with a lot of it, when it comes to World Cup Soccer, it is always the Germans who quietly advance to the Finals or semi-Finals while the boisterous British fall by the wayside often struggling to reach the quarter-Finals.

While I am not a German, I would love to own a Porsche and can make do with a BMW for the time being. I mean I am inspired by the Germans for their commitment to quality and precision.

I have a wealth of experience dealing with people, things and concepts. You can see that in my resume.

And I am definitely serious about humor. So I posted some articles on my web site www.iamyourguide.com that are supposedly humorous. If those make you serious or sad and some of my other serious articles make you laugh, still I have won your trust to be humorous and qualify for an interview.

Be warned though, that if you don’t call me for an interview at the very least, I would turn my disappointment in to an interesting post on my blog for my readers to evaluate. And if you happen to read that later, you will regret that you missed me.

Hoping to hear from you soon,

Thanking you,
Yours truly,
Rayan

P.S.:
It’s almost a week since I applied, and I haven’t heard from them so far. If you think this post is anywhere close to being funny, can you please put in a good word for me? Thank you.

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