I remember the time I wore my first wristwatch. It was a simple analog watch, tied to my wrist with a leather strap, with hands for hour, minute and second. At that time it was one of my precious possessions. Whenever I was alone, I used to look at the second-hand for minutes on end, marveling at its beauty. What’s more, there was a very tiny airplane attached to the second-hand which kept circling at the periphery endlessly. It nearly had me mesmerized whenever I looked at it long enough. Sometimes I used to take it close to my ear and hear it ‘tick, tick, tick’. It was one of those moments in my life when time stood still. Continue reading »
Apr 192009
Jul 022008
What would you think if someone says to you,”If I had a million dollars, I will buy you a casket”? You will be shocked, wouldn’t you? For it runs counter to ‘norm’. We may hear like, I will buy you an exotic pet, or some art like a Picasso or a Garfunkel or I would hire a limousine to drop you at your bus stop. (OK, I admit I am inspired by Barenaked Ladies song by the same title.)
Well that’s exactly what my friend said to one of our other colleagues (he is not well liked by anyone in our group) during our lunch break. My friend is a regular at buying lottery tickets and I have never played lottery to this day and I was being initiated into buying one these days. Our discussion about lotteries eventually led us to finding out what would we buy each other if either of us won it big. That’s when our colleague chipped in and got bitten. Though personally I have some misgivings about this colleague, I felt my friend’s reply to be in bad taste. But seriously, why would it upset us if someone near to us discusses our imminent death.
I mean it is OK to hear one’s insurance agent (or they see an ad that asks, “If you died today, who will take care of your family?” showing some distraught kid near a grave) discuss his (her) death and the need to provide for their near and dear ones, once they are gone. Not only are they not upset, but they shake hands and buy as much insurance as they can afford. They even go to the extent of buying their own funeral arrangements making a down payment and following up with monthly payments thereafter. They feel relieved or should I say joy in their hearts?
It is probably because under those circumstances we conjure up images of our death in the distant future. Or we should give credit to the insurance companies and the ad agencies that have made it palatable to discuss death. But the moment someone shows a casket, and says it is our own to take it home for free, we are terrified. For example we don’t particularly like our children say, Dad (or mom) I bought you a coffin for this father’s (mothers) day
Why is it so? The answer my friend, as my philosopher and guide Eckhart Tolle puts it beautifully, We are intensely attached to our identity as to who we are. He says, “Suppose you see a fish being born in an aquarium and you name it John and adopt it as your pet. A little while later when you see it eaten by a bigger fish, will you grieve over it”? Of course not, we will dismiss it as natural part of life to be born and gone. But when it comes to our own identity, we will defend it to death! (No pun intended). He says it is our attachment to our identity that keeps our cosmetic, fashion industries alive and the moment we relinquish our identity, these industries will collapse. To that list, may I add the insurance industry too, if he had not already done?
By the way, later I asked my friend as to why he was so rude to our colleague. I got this for an answer, “Do you know Rayan, how much it costs to buy a good casket these days”? and he was serious! That only made me laugh and honestly I don’t have a clue. For in my afterlife, I have no intention to be constrained underground but fly upwards in smoke freely. And the rest of me may travel along the river to meet the ocean. You know, I intend to enjoy my life now and later with zest.
May 192008
It is nice to be genuinely happy. But it is the salad-without-dressing variety kind of happiness that is suspect. I am against happiness gurus who implore people to fake happiness in the hope of finding happiness. The gurus think that something is drastically wrong with you if you are not happy. Their case is that if you are not delirious with joy every minute, you should see a therapist. You pursue happiness when you are sad, or why else would you run after it. I am glad Newsweek published an excellent article in support of sadness.
If it matters to someone who is desperate to be happy, may I remind them that the genius Charlie Chaplin, who made everyone laugh, had passed through many melancholic moments in his personal life. Though many were of his own making, there could be little doubt his strokes of genius would have been conceptualized in those private moments. I can cite his film Modern Times (1936) as a good example. Isn’t it amazing that it reflects our times as well as it did in his days? He couldn’t have been happy all the time and portray sadness just for the movies.
In our moment of loss this quote from Eckart Tolle (in his famous book ‘The Power of Now’) should come in handy, “Accept it as if you have chosen it”. There is no other sensible way to handle the loss. It is ridiculous to put up a brave, but fake smile on one’s face denying the loss.
Emerson’s railway bonds crashed in the panic of 1857, and he wrote about it only once. Similarly when his house burned down, he recorded it just once: House burned. Though Emerson wrote about his losses only once, at least he acknowledged it.
My conviction is that if we admit our sadness, we come to terms with ourselves . Our quiet acceptance leads to some serious introspection that eventually may or may not lead us out of our current state of gloom. But either way it doesn’t matter. In such private moments we ask ourselves many silly, irrelevant questions, out of which one pertinent answer may emerge that would solve one of our eluding problems.
For those who chase happiness at all costs, running away from sadness; may I quote my guru Al Koran, “You cannot pursue happiness. You cannot arrange to be happy. Happiness is something that fills the moment and it comes upon you unawares …..”
Couldn’t agree any more with that. Can you?
